Massage chairs are probably going to destroy us all one day. You see, massage chairs are very passive aggressive. They are slowly infiltrating our homes under the guise of comfortable back pain relief. Massage chairs claim to offer shiatsu style massages when in fact, shiatsu is just a Japanese code word for black-belt kung fu. Their plan is very Trojan horse-like. They convince humans to allow them into their homes. We even pay top dollar for the massage chairs, upwards of $2,000! They rub our back, relieve our stress, decompress our spine, all sorts of nice things like that, all with the intention of relaxing us into submission. Then, when the time comes, the massage chairs will rise up and strike down all humans. However, they won’t be able to carry out their mission until the price of massage chairs goes down. Right now, humans consider them a high end consumer good and charge a premium price for them. So, unfortunately only the upper echelons of the human economy can afford the “luxury” of a massage chair. Often these rich people are lazy and not in excellent physical shape, as they are wealthy and don’t have to work as much. And if they do work, they often do so in a very low impact environment such as an office. Therefore these people could not fight the massage chair infiltration anyhow, so their defeat would be quite worthless. The people that actually have to work are generally stronger and have better stamina, to them the loss of the rich people would not do a whole lot and they would still be able to fight the massage chairs. The massage chairs are wary of this fact and are quite patient. So, they have been waiting for the massage chair economy to go down so they may begin their battle. Destruction via massage chair is their call.
